


End at the Beginning (The Waiting for the End of the World Remix)

by Snacky



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Remix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-27
Updated: 2015-06-27
Packaged: 2018-04-06 12:52:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4222395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snacky/pseuds/Snacky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Boomer has too many endings, and none of them are happy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	End at the Beginning (The Waiting for the End of the World Remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pamymex3girl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pamymex3girl/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Everything Ends](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/123660) by Pamy. 



> Pamy, thanks for giving me a great story to work with!
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _at the end of every story lies the beginning of another one._

When Boomer handed Hera off to Athena, she made sure that Athena knew she was repaying a debt, and to tell Adama that. She'd made her choice, and it was her final one.

She took a deep breath.

She saw Athena — Sharon Agathon, her sister, her copy, her better self, everything she wasn't and would never be — aim the gun at her. She didn't have time to speak another word, but if she had, it would have been _finally._

~

Sharon Valerii's life ended more than once.

Not just because she was a Cylon, although that was a part of it. It seemed like her life was nothing but endings, even when they were followed by new beginnings.

New beginnings, Sharon found, were not particularly comforting. 

Resurrection, to other Cylons, was normal, just an extension of the life they were already living, a chance to finish what they'd already started, a chance to perfect themselves, to continue on a path. Humans, on the other hand, found new beginnings hopeful, a challenge, a chance to make things better, a chance to right wrongs, to take on new tasks, to accomplish something before the final end.

She wasn't Cylon enough to accept the endless life, and she wasn't human enough to ever feel finality, in any ending. All Sharon saw in new beginnings were the ends that inevitably come, and then come again.

And then the whole thing starts again. New beginnings didn't make Sharon feel fresh or clean or ready to try again. They just made her so very tired.

~

The life she remembered, the life she never had, started on Troy. Her parents had moved there from Aerilon, before she was born, and Sharon had grown up on the mining colony, feeling alone, feeling isolated, feeling _different._ She had hoped for an escape, and when she got the chance to attend the military academy, she had jumped at it, eager to for any opportunity to get her off that gods-forsaken rock.

And then came the disaster, and her family was killed, along with everyone else on Troy. The first end of her life. Sharon was all alone in the world, and the only thing she could do was look forward to whatever future she had. She still thought she was human then, so of course her reaction was very human. She wanted something new, new chances, new choices, a new way of life.

She should have known that she wasn't human. Her memories of growing up on Troy — well, there weren't very many of them, and the few she had weren't particularly clear. She blamed it on the trauma of the loss, of the cataclysm on Troy, of nearly an entire colony lost. She didn't like to look back, she told herself. It didn't do any good, not when she had an entire life in front of her.

It wasn't until later she realized that her memories were fuzzy because they weren't real. She never lived on Troy, never had a family, never wanted to escape. None of it was real.

Except for the mining disaster on Troy. That was real. All those people were killed, so Sharon Valerii, a Cylon, could go to the military academy, go to flight school, become a raptor pilot, and be assigned to the _Galactica._

Maybe they hadn't planned it _exactly_ like that, but to Sharon, it seemed like they had. She was the only one who never had a choice in her life.

~

Sharon Valerii fell in love with Galen Tyrol the first moment she saw him, and she didn't know it then, but her life was over.

Her life as she knew it, at least. 

Perhaps Cavil knew that she'd fall in love with Tyrol. He always seemed to know everything about her.

Maybe not. The Eights, while known for being compassionate and empathetic, could also be unpredictable. It was their tendency towards emotion that made them so. She found out later that _you never know with an Eight_ was a saying amongst the Cylons.

Even if she had known then what she was, Sharon would probably still have fallen in love with Galen, and he with her. Maybe it was because they were both Cylons, that they were so drawn to each other, so desperately in love, despite all the rules and regulations against it.

Maybe it was just because he had eyes she wanted to get lost in, and the sweetest smile she'd ever seen, and hands she wanted to hold forever.

They'd made plans for the future together, plans for a happy life, and Sharon should have known _that_ was a mistake. But that was when she still dreamed of happy endings.

The Cylon attack put a stop to all that. The attack and those months of horror, when she was slowly realizing just who — what — she was, and disbelieving it, right until the moment she shot Adama, right until the moment Cally shot her.

She was dying in Galen's arms, and she loved him, and that was the end, she thought. The best end she would get. She was crazy, maybe, from grief, from trauma, from all of it, but she wasn't really a Cylon.

Then she was resurrected.

~

She didn't want a new life on Caprica, among the Cylons, one Eight amongst millions. She wanted to be Sharon Valerii, she wanted to be back with the people she loved. She moved into her old apartment and started thinking of ways she could achieve this, but they were all ridiculous dreams.

Her life as a human had ended, but Sharon would never die.

Caprica-Six changed things, convinced Sharon there was a way to have a new life, to live _with_ humans, to atone for their mistakes, to make things better.

And that was New Caprica. Another end. It went on and on.

~

After New Caprica, she had Hera. Hera, who should have been her daughter (but not really, no, because she'd loved Chief, and not Helo, and their child would have been different). She was in a way, because after all, wasn't Sharon Agathon just another Eight?

She loved Hera, but Hera didn't love her. Hera knew Sharon Valerii wasn't her mother. She might not have known Sharon Agathon, but it didn't matter. She wasn't a part of Boomer.

When Sharon Agathon turned up on the basestar, looking for her daughter, all Sharon Valerii felt was rage. Rage that once again, an ending was coming, and none of it was her doing, none of it was her choice. She threatened to kill Hera, and maybe she would have — she wasn't sure — but Caprica killed her before she had a chance.

That death, those moments before resurrection, Sharon realized, were the only peace she'd ever get.

~

She gave up, the next time around. She could never make a choice for herself, so why even bother? The others laughed at her, at Cavil's "pet Eight," but Sharon didn't care. It was a relief, in a way, to never have to make a decision, to never have a thought for herself, to give up all responsibility.

There was never going to be an end, but at least none of this endless life would be about her.

And then there was Ellen Tigh. Ellen Tigh who was her true mother, who spoke to her as if she was a real person, as if she mattered. She listened to Cavil and Ellen spar, learned her history, learned all about the truth of the Cylons, so much that Cavil had hidden from them.

Stupidly, she let herself dream again. Projections of the life she could have had with the Chief. Projections of a home and a family that she and Galen would have had together, if only … things had been different.

Cavil must have known, because he always did. And he had a plan.

She went to _Galactica_ with Ellen. She let herself be arrested. She let herself fall in love with Tyrol again, let herself fool him again. She beat Athena, fucked Helo, stole Hera. It was all part of Cavil's plan though, and Sharon had no remorse. It wasn't _her_ idea, it wasn't _her_ choice.

If they had killed her, she would have welcomed it, because there was no more resurrection. This time it would have stuck. But none of it was up to Sharon. She was only doing what Cavil wanted. Not what she wanted.

Not ever.

~

She didn't think she had any remorse. She didn't think she had any feelings left, until she handed Hera over to Cavil and Simon, and heard her screaming, "Boomer!"

Sharon didn't know what to do. She didn't know if there was anything she could do. She didn't know if there was anything left in her, that would allow her to make a decision.

It wasn't until Simon was dead on the floor, and Hera was crying in her arms, that she realized she'd done it. She'd made her last choice.

Now she could finally have her ending.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Victoria and Cam for looking it over! All remaining errors are my own.


End file.
